there's always 2 sides to a story...

u made me do this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sonnet FURB.

leave...i dont want no crap...
be gone cos ure not worth my rap...
since to u im but a nap...
to think of u would be a slap...
without u i'll run the year's last lap...
i aint gonna mourn n be decked in black...
ur presence is what i want lacked...
memory of u in my brain's gonna get the sack...
to still feel for u...i must be wacked...
aint like uve got the nicest rack...
u want me to cut u some slack?
guess what yo...fuck u right back.

i really dont need this now...n really i never needed it...thanks for nothing...scram.

It's so hard to suppress
The feelings I have for you
I've gotten myself into this mess
And I realized there's nothing I can do

-Rachel Lee (2004)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

woo hoo! rock on chell! thanks for writing it for me...well its not to me...but for me...ah...tricky aye...haha...u rock chell...thanks... :)

it really says what i feel...what i didnt want to go thru...but unfortunately have gone into...owell...one girls causes sadness...n another makes my heart warm...

i know i have great friends...i know You're out there...thank u Lord.

what's really stupid...retarded...ironic...whatever u wanna call it...is that after i decided to give up on her...i see signs n quotes telling me not to give up on someone u have feelings for...well...eg. "chance brings two people together, but choice makes two people stay together" n stuff like that...chance here n choice there...sheesh...whats up man...

but then again...even if i dont give up...whats the point...its like so one sided...n im just like being totally dao-ed man...the whole week she acted as if i was non-existent...didnt say hi to me...didnt even acknowledge my presence...whats up with that man?? hmmm...maybe it was something i said in the card? shiat...i hope not man...n if i did...i hope she'll tell me or something lah...grr...girls...cant live with them...yet u cant live without them...whats up with the world man...owell...

well life has to go on...n i think its time i moved on n stopped hoping n wishing n being stupid by even dreaming of a possibility...sometimes we have to be realistic n being realistic now...she's not the only one in this world...i can still open my eyes n look n oogle with no commitments to worry about...rock on singlehood...woohoo!

haha...hmmm didnt know gab has a pacifica too...onz man...hopefully the all acsian rejects get to perform on spring fest...mr mad drummer yonsen...mr talented gab...flying fingers xan...versatile imran n me...woohoo...bring down da house cos the ACSians are here to steal the show babehs!

nice song...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How do I
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?
Oh I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold
Your my world, my heart, my soul
And if you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breath without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live?

Without you
There'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I
Oh baby, I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything real in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breath without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live?

Please tell me baby
How do I go on?
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
I need you with me
Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life?
And tell me now

How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breath without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I
Oh, how do I live?

How do I live without you?
How do I live without you, baby?
[How do I live?]
How do I live?

-Leann Rimes

happy birthday to u...

but too bad she doesnt read...or good?...there's always two sides to everything...

i wish i didnt fall for u...but seeing u so happy just made my day...it made me happy even though i knew it was gonna be such a boring friday night...ahhhh where's the other 4 charmed ones...im so bored...

never frown cos u'll never know when someone's falling in love with ur smile...

happy birthday.

hmmm i think imran n i are the only ones who finished hoi so early...everyone's still doing now even though its due tmr! hahaha...damn sianated....

hey dude! may this be the last birthday wish u'll receive this year...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAK CIK IMRAN!!

happy jedi-ing away...heh...cheers dude...

ive decided to drop bio...gotta concentrate real hard on my remaining subjects now...i want so much to get into law school...yeah i was aiming to get into med school initially...but realistically looking into things...i know for sure i woudnt mind being a lawyer sitting in the office typing out documents or signing papers for the rest of my working life...whereas im not too sure about being a lifesaver seeing sick people day in day out...making myself depressed by the number of people suffering...well yeah i already know how many people are suffering n all...but why depress myself further by reminding myself with the fact constantly ringing in my face...so being realistic...i'd do law...

ive met the minimum average to get in...but i want a confirmed place in law school...i dont want to worry about whether i'll be able to get in or not during my "holidays"...i want to hold my head up high n say i did well n i got into law school on my own...i want to walk right in with no complications...i want to be a lawyer...

this means i gotta work extra hard from now on...no more sneakinessing around...no more distractions...im gonna forget her...i have to...n i will...i want nothing to come in the way of my goal...clement lin its game time...get your ass off this comp get back to work!

God is good...n im ever so thankful for Him being there with me every step of the way...He's lightened my spirits n i can smile n laugh again...He's had a plan for me...n as it slowly unveils in front of me...i'll trust in Him...He's never disappointed me...n im absolutely sure this time would be no different...

To God Be The Glory Great Things He Hath Done.

The Best Is Yet To Be.

i really dunno what to feel now...

just came back from the doc's n he said that i tore my central ligament completely until half of it is missing...i damaged my cartilege until the back is in fragments...n i have to go for an op asap...he'll have to reconstruct my central ligament n tidy up my cartilege...n after the op...i'll be immobile for 2 weeks...1 more week after that on crutches...n i cant walk or stand much for 6 weeks after that still...plus 12 months under physiotherapy n no sports except swimming biking or running...

on the other hand i'll either get pes e or pes f for ns...pes e means i'll be a clerk aka slacker for the whole 2 years...pes f means i skip it completely n dont go at all...depending on what the government decides...those are the only 2 the doc recommends...if possible pes f...but pes e would be better than nothing...

i wanna shout n scream n bash something up right now man...really...but i cant n i wont...

God will u please just be with me during this period of time...i need u so badly...

haiyah everyone misinterpreted my last entry...i meant that i should stop blogging things thinking no one reads...ie watch what i blog in case someone reads by accident...i realise my blog's linked to many many many pple man...haha...but a big thanks to everyone who showed how much u all cared...it means a lot even though it was a misunderstanding...haha... :D

haih stress man...stupid hoi essay man...i dunno how to phrase all my points or construct my paragraphs properly...im soooo screwed...already didnt do that well for the first essay...sheesh...anyone who says trinity is slack ought to be shot...haha...

ive some thought about someone really close to me who's in sg now suffering...really wish he could just open up to me...i really wanna be there for u dude...i was always here waiting for u...but u never came...what can i say or what can i do...except wait.


*fingers crossed*...for the future will be affected by tmr's review...

i leave it all to u my Lord...come what may...i trust in You...may i see and understand Your plan in due time...but i pray that You'd be there with me all the way...guiding me and giving me strength...


WITH GOD ON OUR SIDE, WHOM SHALL WE FEAR.

i really should stop blogging as if no one reads it...

here's something that was posted on friendster...something i'd never be able to say so smoothly...yet something i'd wanna say...

Love is something that we do, not said...

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty,he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face,the boy grabbed her arm and said....You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this goes out to u...u dont know who u are...but i know...n thats all that matters...

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living. A deeper meaning. Yeah..

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..
The highest powers. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...

I wanna stand with you on a mountain,
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.
I wanna lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

-Savage Garden-

well today was an extremely productive day man! i learned how to play hotel california by myself...well excluding the solo...heh...n i did maths 2...bought stuff for her...heh...

well actually hotel california wasnt as hard as i expected it to be...thanks to sam's tabs it made learning it a lot easier...n plus tabs on the net...it was pretty much a piece of cake once i got the hang of it...heh...but for some reason my fingertips are numb...dunno why...wonder what happened to the hard skin there...owell...haha

ah for the stuff...i had the help/advice of the twins n ahma...i think its a pretty "friendly" gift...afterall im just a friend so it shouldnt be too gong...heh...hopefully she likes it...then at least i'll know im not that bad at buying presents...haha...

hmm come to think of it...the so called saying "its the thought that counts" doesnt always come as the best consolation to a person...for one...u may wanna buy something for someone so badly cos u know that the receiver would be so happy...n seeing that person happy just makes u happy...but reality just painfully kicks in n u know u dont have the money or it may even be something that cant be bought...

well for me i'd always like to buy stuff that i know'll make my friends happy n will be useful to them one way or another...n sometimes i know a friend may want something so much...n receiving it would just put the widest smile on their face...but cos of constrains...i cant give it to them...worst still if its someone close to my heart...it just makes me feel gloomy sometimes...n i may seem stoned or say that im stoned...but what goes on in my head no one will ever know...i think about too many things to let pple know what's going on in there...

ever know what its like to have someone was so close to u that u practically spent everyday with that person...n suddenly that person just about exits ur life to go into other pple's lives? ever know what its like to want to say something to a person but u know saying wont have be pleasing to that person? ever know what its like to lose the bestest friend in the world?

as if once wasnt enough...i had to go through it twice...

but as i always say...if God brings u to it, He'll bring u through it...n with the loss of my bestest friends i got friends who could fill a hole that was in my heart...though i'll move on with life with the friends God sent to me...i'll always care n love the one who was n will always be my bestest friend...

ok so maybe she already likes someone else...hmmm what they said was pretty suggestive...haha owell...im not quite sure whether its what i think it is...but heck lah...it affected me a little...but who cares lah...there's nothing going on n looks like nothing will go on...im happy to be single anyway...

ooh the singapore ball was nice man...well at least the food was great! loved the caesar salad n the chicken! damn shiok man...well as daniel said...its hilton...what do u expect?! haha...all the ladies were damn well dressed man...hmmm but come to think of it...they werent that attractive...i mean yeah they were hot n all...but for some reason i was like...ok n then...maybe cos she stole just about all my attention...hmmmm...hahaha....MOVING ON...i tell u...mayuyi is absolutely crazy...she was laughing like every 5 seconds lah...i dunno what was so funny but she just kept laughing man...crazy woman...

the ball ended at like 12+...n since only amy n i were the non-clubbers in the group...we took a cab back...with my sister also lah...dang! heh...owell...i wanna sleep...

hehehe...lets just say that today was a great day cos i managed to stay wide awake n alert for all my lessons today...but the highlight of the day was after lunch...seriously man...it was like the best all month! well the month just started...but u get the drift...well anway...ahma n pervy went for support lecture...piggy had some drama meeting...so it was just imran myself amy rach yenteng n peini for lunch...amy n peini met yuns for hoi lecture thing...rach n yenteng sat around n chilled...so imran n i just chilled in the cold while we basically talked our usual crap...heh...well imran left for his maths lecture n i decided to go to evan burge n stone there since i was left alone...but low n behold lady luck liked my face n i met her at evan burge...she accompanied me since her class was there too...hehe...well i dunno if she was cold or she just wanted some time together to talk...but she wanted to go somewhere where we could have a private chat...nothing kinky...but somewhere where there wasnt anyone else in the room...n yup we ended up in the lecture theatre...haha...we sorta had a nice chat but nothing really productive...BUT it was great! i didnt talk rubbish...n i tell u...i seriously felt like i was floating way way up in the clear blue sky...hehe...ah n i found out good info for my sneaky plan...hehehe...hopefully it wont back fire lah...but heck...its the thought that counts right? hahaha...O HAPPY DAY!

hehe...i think im beginning to like chem lectures...or at least the days that i have chem lectures...the before n after lecture that is...during isnt so fun heh...woo hoo! im a happy man today! although i could've said something real smooth today...but i held back in case things would become awkward...then i'd be losing not only my heart but my friend as well...

hmmm today during the mri...cos i couldnt move n i was given music to listen to while the scan was in process...i let my mind wander to the positive possibility that could happen if i had said what i almost said after chem...but i must admit i end up saying the stupidest things to her when we talk alone sometimes man...i dunno why but she just makes my mind not work properly...sheesh...whats up man...maybe i should just not think n just talk to her...then at least things'll come out properly...haha...owell...

GAB...STOP SMOKING!!!!

the moment of truth is here...whether i need an op or whether i just need some time...all will be made known tmr after i get the results of my mri...honestly im not sure what i want...if i do have a torn central ligament...i'll waste away my sep hols but i get to slack for ns...if i dont have a torn central ligament...i get my sep hols but i'll have to do crap ns...owell...i'll let God decide...afterall He knows best...i'll just have to trust in Him n in His plan for me...meanwhile i'll just be who i am n daydream about her...heh...

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She is lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the light, lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Would she know how much I love her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
She's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
She must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost love ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved her
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Does she know how much I love her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
She's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
She must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes


-Ronan Keating

then again...i dont think its love...owell its a nice song...heh.

today was officially the most boring day of the week...

at least i finished one stage of starwars jedi academy...heh...i want the game danggit!!! its damn fun loh...playing the demo is so cheap thrill...must save up money man...